May 8, 2025

Back in early 2024, I never thought this day would actually come. At that time, I was in a rough place—seriously considering dropping out. I had no clear vision of the future. Graduate school felt long, lonely, and I often questioned whether I even belonged on this path. But life is unpredictable. It doesn’t wait for you to be ready; instead, it often nudges you forward when you're unsure. And today, I found myself at one of those turning points. No matter how bumpy the road was, today is definitely a day worth celebrating.

After going through my undergraduate graduation, I’ve had complicated feelings about this ceremony. On one hand, I was looking forward to it—it marks the completion of a chapter and holds a certain sense of ceremony. But on the other hand, honestly, I wasn’t too excited about being in a big, crowded place again. Not because of social anxiety, but because it brought back memories I wasn’t exactly ready to relive.

At my undergrad graduation, my dad thought I was a total disappointment. He said I looked awful and that I embarrassed him. We barely spoke, rushed through the whole thing, and ended up back in the Airbnb we had rented without much to say. That experience left a bit of a shadow. So this time, standing in almost the exact same kind of setting, I couldn’t help but feel a little afraid—not of the future, but of repeating that memory.

These past few days, my emotions have been all over the place. The night before the ceremony, I was still wondering, “Should I even go?” But in the end, I did. And the moment I stepped toward the stage in my heels, I realized—I’m braver than I thought I was.

I invited three people to attend the ceremony, but in the end, only two showed up—haha, pretty good rate, right? One of them is a friend I’ve grown quite close to recently. A while ago, we were chatting on WeChat, and I suddenly asked, “Hey, how did we even meet?” She replied, “Buying and selling secondhand stuff.” I laughed out loud. Turns out our connection started from something as small and ordinary as that. She’s not the overly expressive type, but she’s reliable. We’ve gone out to eat, talked for hours, gone to exhibitions—she became a brief but meaningful anchor for me in this foreign city.

A few days ago, she came with me to buy shoes. Thinking back, the last time I wore heels was for my undergrad graduation. She thought the heel height was “totally fine,” but the moment I put them on, I started wobbling like I was walking a tightrope. She, on the other hand, could literally run in them. Let’s just say—Crocs will always be my one true love.

The other guest I invited was an old lady who’s meant a lot to me. She supported me with warmth and encouragement throughout these grad school years. During my most anxious moments, her words were always calming. She made a special trip from Delray Beach to attend my ceremony—something I absolutely did not expect. I had never really known where she lived; I assumed the farthest would be somewhere like Weston. So when she casually said she drove all the way from Delray Beach, my eyes widened in disbelief—really?! I was genuinely shocked, and it made me laugh. Her presence opened something emotional in me. Maybe this ceremony, for me, wasn’t just about “graduating”—it was about the people who showed up, who saw me through it all.

In the days leading up to today, I was also trying really hard to stop my dad from watching the ceremony online. He scoured the university website, asked for livestream links, even suggested I video call him during it. Of course, I said no—haha. In the end, I couldn’t stop him from seeing it, but at least when he started making comments about my outfit, I put up a firm wall and stuck to my style. That in itself felt like a small victory.

After the ceremony, we tried to take some photos, but the crowd was overwhelming—too many people, too much heat. I was wobbling in my heels, trying not to trip while being jostled around. The pictures turned out messy and awkward, but looking back now, maybe that kind of imperfection is the most honest kind of memory.

Later, the old lady treated me to brunch. We wandered around the Coral Gables campus area. I realized I didn’t actually know it well at all—most of my classes had been downtown. When she asked which restaurant was good, I had no idea. To be honest, I was totally blank. What’s even funnier is that I often go to AMC Sunset to see movies, which is just across from the main campus, but I never realized how close it all was. Life’s like that sometimes—places you think you know still hold corners you’ve never really seen.

That’s all for today. Starting tomorrow, I’ll officially be a graduate. As for the future... well, I have a rough outline, but no full picture yet. And maybe that’s okay. The road ahead is still blurry, but I think I’ll keep walking, figuring it out as I go, moving a little closer to wherever I’m meant to be.

That’s all for these past few days. Goodnight—to the me of today, and to the version of me in the future who’s not afraid of getting lost.